New School. New Me. That is what everyone says anyway. Heck that’s what I’m saying to my self right now, but it is a lot different when you actually have to act that way. Obviously I don’t really have to put that into effect since summer JUST started but eventually I am going to need to..and that is very terrifying to me. The reason I am even thinking of this right now is because today I visited the new school I will be attending once the new school year rolls around. You know, to see what my mom needs to have transferred and all that stuff… but as you can tell this trip caused me to suddenly realize that I am starting off with a blank slate…
I am going to be starting a new school..where I know no one..where it is HUGE..where I will be finishing out my last 2 years of high school…That is absolutely crazy! Its amazing of course because I would really like to start over, but it also terrifying me to the point of madness. I mean the last time I started a new school was in the 3rd grade and it was so much simpler back then. Kids didn’t seem that judgy and they would accept you as a friend as long as you were nice to them…but sadly high school is not like that.
I think that is one of my major concerns with this whole new school situation. I am just nervous that I might not fit in as quickly and nicely as I would like too. I am afraid of sitting alone at lunch on the 1st day of school and then for the rest of my high school career..and I know that is absolutely absurd but it is what my brain SWEARS is going to happen. But I guess we are going to have to wait and see….
But, I mean, things can’t be all bad about starting a new school…right? Maybe I should try focusing on the possible good things that could happen rather than all the bad. Like I get to meet a whole bunch of new people, or I get to be who ever I want to be because no one knows who I am. I think that might be the one thing that gets me through this new school process. I can change the way I hold myself in school and also everyone there won’t have pre-determined ideas of how I should act and what I’m like. Because when you grow up with the same group of kids your whole life you are stuck being the same person you were when you were in elementary school or middle school and there seems no way of changing the way they see you…
I think this might be my safety net. I get to be a whole new me…like I said “New School.New Me”… I no longer HAVE to be that one quiet girl who seems to be really smart. I mean obviously I can still be smart but I don’t have to be quiet. I can actually try to speak to different people and be as friendly as possible, but I can tell you that will be a task. I am really going to have to work on it a lot because it is one thing to say you will be different then it is to actually be different. It has always been a task for me to open up to people and have a decent conversation with them that is over other topics then what we were learning in class.
I always feel like I am being annoying or I am saying the wrong things. I don’t know, maybe it was just the kids in my school but I ALWAYS felt like I was being a bother whenever I tried to talk to other kids outside of my little friend circle..what can I say, teenagers can be terrible.. and that really sucks..but anyway..
I will probably do another section of this when ever school actually starts that way I can describe how I think things are going. But thanks for letting me share my fears and thoughts with you today. If you have ever started a new school and have some advice for me PLEASE share. As always its been amazing and I’ll talk to you later.
(By the way I am sorry if this post seems out of wack. I feel like some of my sentences are very long and rambly but I tried my best! Hopefully as I write more everything will flow better…I mean a girl can hope :P)
Soo Not Serious 